Saturday, December 21, 2013

Peace and thankfulness

    "  And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful." (Col.3:15)

      Little did I know as I was preparing to type the blog post yesterday that it would truly be so applicable to my day. I don't know why I am surprised when God shows himself so faithful in what I consider little preparations.
       Yesterday after typing our post we had a doctors appointment. Our specialist office was running behind so we were fit in for Lliams Echo. As they were scanning the said the heart rate was good, but lower than what it had been. As the morning progressed we learned that what we were seeing was his still birth in progress. I was watching my son enter into perfect peace, into the presence of the God who created him and chose me to carry him. Silently I said my goodbyes, tried to relax and praise Jesus for his love and peace. Such a presence of peace and joy filled my soul. My son is beautiful, perfect, whole. Walking and getting to know the Jesus that we talked about daily. No more fluid, pain, struggle. He is experiencing the song his sisters sang to him," Jesus loves me this I know!"

   Thank you all for your love,prayers and thoughts. You all mean so much to us! If we dot know you and you have prayed for us, thank you.

 This morning as I was getting ready to go to the hospital for our induction the verse that I opened with came to mind.
     "Let the peace of God rule in your heart" over and over this played in my mind. Meditating praising saying this verse back to God. Begging him to rule our hearts with peace today.
   "To which also we are called" I am called by God to have this peace. It is readily available to me!
"And be thankful" or with thankfulness - you may shake your head and think I have to be crazy, but I am thankful. Thankful that God chose me to carry Lliam. Thankful that God gave me this opportunity to draw ever so close to him. Thankful that he also shares in my sorrow, my broken heart, my hurt as disappointment.

 Today as you think of us and pray for us, pray that our God will shine through. His amazing peace to radiate through our very countenance. Our prayer for you today is that you will want to draw closer to our Jesus, draw to him. Be of one body, thankful, letting his peace rule your hearts.

We love you,
Darrell and Michelle

Friday, December 20, 2013

For good

  If anyone knows me well, they know I LOVE music. The best gift ever for me is a ticket to a symphony, opera or a broadway show. I just any get enough of it! One of my favorite broadway plays   Has a song near the end entitled "for good" . I have loved, memorized, taught , sang this song until I am singing it in my sleep. Often , I have looked at this song as one of those thanking a mentor, sibling or friend types of songs. This morning, it came to mind with a whole new twist. As I lay awake at 3:00 am thinking of what today may/may not bring, the phrase "I do believe I have been changed for the better..." Was ringing in my head.  Let me share some of the lyrics to help those of you who don't have this quite memorized! ;)
                               " I've heard it said that people come into our lives, for a reason
    Bringing something we must learn, and we are lead to those who help us most to grow if we let them. And we help them in return. Well, I don't know if I believe that's true, but I know I'm who I am today because I knew you.
   Like a comet pulled from orbit, as it passes the sun. Like a stream that meets a boulder half way through the wood. Who can say if I've been changed for the better? I do believe I have been changed for the better. Because I knew you, I have been changed for good".    (For good-- wicked)

  As someone who grew up in church, knowing all the right verses, phrases, postures, I have known the concept "all things work together for good" . This morning thinking of all this time that has gone by, nearly half of the year devoted to carrying a child I may never get to ... Hold and have make all those cute sounds, a son that I may not get to watch play ball, rough house and tackle his sisters. You and I can easily sit back and feel, think even ''how could this be for good?"
                 I truly believe that seeing the good comes down to trust. Trust in a God who never changes, who sees our end before our beginning.  
     If we determine that no matter what we are on Gods side, it settles that trust issue in our hearts. And if we ground ourselves in the reality that we trust God, we can face circumstances that are out of our control without acting out of control" (unglued - terkeurst)

 Today I am going to trust. As I go to the specialist, I will trust. I know it was not by chance that this was heavily on my heart this morning.  I will choose this day that I will lean on the strong arms of Jesus. Knowing his ways are higher than mine. His thoughts higher than mine. I do believe that because I was chosen to carry Lliam, I have been changed for good. Because I know my Gods way is best and I am trusting that, I continue to be changed for good. 

Lliam, I do believe I have been changed for the better, because I knew you, I have been changed for good.

For my good, an Gods ultimate glory.