We give up. Yes you just read that correctly, we are giving up. This past year has brought so many changes to our little family. Just when we think we have Gods plan figured out, another plan unfolds. So to even say we know what is going to happen next week is a stretch. We have possibilities sketched out, but seriously at any moment that could change. We thought that once we were past the pregnancy with all the sudden changes,ups and downs,joy and sorrow, that we passed some type of test. We thought "maybe life will slow down, and we will live with more intention" that looked more "zen" than it actually is. Slowing down life seemed to us to be the answer, the peace and calm. We planned to live and give more time into quiet purposeful time and attention to whatever seemed to be in the path ahead. But, God had other ideas as many of you know.
This past summer began our journey with adoption. One that we did not see coming at this time in our lives. We have always known and actually asked God to lead us to adopt when the timing was right. Ok to be honest I think it was more like "call us when we have an extra $40,000 sitting in our account" kind of prayer. Never did we look at adoption as something that we would step out in blind faith, and choose to adopt without debt, and NOT know 100% where the money would all come from.
And never did we think God would call us to a second child in the process.
As we are sharing this news we sit in amazement, and just an awe. We had chosen to be open to a second child when we saw that as a possibility in our adoption contract. We thought it would be more like a year from when we bring home Ming. Never thinking that God would not only lead but open and close doors in this area as well. After being open to bringing another older child home, reviewing several files we felt God telling us we were not the family for them. Yes, we actually felt that way. Then Darrell and I decided to sit and pray over the list of waiting children. Letting God know our hearts were open and willing to obey His leading even if it was radical. After praying together Darrell looked through the waiting child list. I already have it memorized, and had looked the night before but did not mention it to Darrell.Silently I prayed 'God if you are REALLY calling us to consider this, can you prove it to me and have Darrell choose one of the two I felt you leading my heart to last night?' . The waiting list is like 6 pages long and probably 12 to a page. Ages range generally from 3 most of the time 5-12yrs of age. I scrolled through moving faster past the ones I felt drawn to. Suddenly Darrell speaks up.. "go back, look at that one." We then proceeded to open the bio to the child God had placed on my heart the night before. After praying with an open heart and receiving his file and medical information we both feel at peace in surrendering to the call to pursue his adoption. He is a 1 yr old from southern China. If all continues and we are able to secure the needed finances we can submit our Letter of Intent to China (which would hold his file for us and he would be considered for all US purposes ours) and submit the same dossier (large mound of papers) for both children and only pay the registration fee for both. Did we see this coming... No! But we trust and know that God did.
Many times we look back and see how God has used our experience of loosing Lliam. So much can be mirrored in the faith that this journey is taking. It requires us to Give up and let go. To give up our picture and idea in our heads of how life and adoption should go.Letting go of our plans, our will, our materialistic desires and everything that would hold us back from living out a radical faith. One of our favorite quotes helps sum up our hearts toward this new step.
" My (our) greatest fear,even now, is that I will hear Jesus' words and walk away,content to settle for less than radical obedience to Him." David Platt Radical: Taking back your faith from the american dream
How can you support us?
1) Prayer - Please bring us before the Lord. This is even more a spiritual battle than a financial one. Pray that we will have unity in our home, that we will wise with our time and resources. Wisdom and direction as we have our home study today. Wisdom for what grants to apply for. Most of all, for unwavering radical daily faith.
2) Pray for the boys - for God to intervene in their lives, protect them, and help them to feel loved and ultimately for them to come to know the Love of God.
3) On the side bar is a new link -- Amazon -- we now have this link as our affiliate link. If you are a prime member or shop amazon, will you consider bookmarking this page and using it for your shopping? It is no additional cost to you, but amazon will give us 4-8% back on purchases made through that link! Cool idea right?!
4) You caring - If you feel led to give financially to our adoptions we have the link at the side bar you may donate to. We will be updating the page to add the financial goal and need of adding the second child. But for now that is the fastest way for our agency to access funds. If you are wanting a tax deductible way to donate, please contact us and we will be happy to share that with you as well.
We are so thankful for the thoughts, prayers and encouragement that all of you have offered to our family. Thank you for following us in this journey.
Darrell and Michelle