Tuesday, June 16, 2015

Exhausted, yet pursuing

   " And Gideon came to the Jordan and crossed over, he and the 300 men who were with him, exhausted yet pursuing." (Judges8:4)

Ok so I may not have crossed the Jordan river but I can say honestly "I am exhausted" .  I read this with a new compassion for those involved in this story. As I read the verse that resonated with me in a very practical sense I reminded myself of the context.
Gideon is someone in the bible that I have been reminded of several times over the past 16 days. God called him to defeat the Midianites. From the perspective of many I am sure he was the most unlikely candidate. After all, didn't he require "signs" and confirmations before he would blindly obey? Didn't he want to be assured success before even starting?  Even before that he questioned God and his timing, the things that were allowed to happen ect...
I am so much like Gideon. The conversations that play out in my mind look much like his.
 "ok, so God you called us to this adoption thing. Can't you just give us a peace to take out a loan? That way I can see how this is all going to play out?"  "So God, really? you want me not only to adopt, but to have a biological child at the same time? Did you possibly hear me wrong when I said I would be willing to do what you called us to do, even if it was hard? Was adoption not hard enough? I kind of thought that was like difficult to the MAX."
 Often I picture God listening and just shaking His head smiling as he lets me process aloud to Him, without judgement, so I can fully be empty of my thoughts and be ready to accept His.

Looking over and reminding myself again of the story of Gideon I see several things that encourage me this morning. This morning as I sit and beg God for his provision, not seeing how fully he is going to provide the remaining $1900 before tomorrow morning.  As my doubt was creeping in, I am drawn to this story and see many things that have given me hope and encouragement.

  * Gideon may have needed signs and processed his doubt in a similar way God still gave the victory. Gideon was called to lead the people to conquer and to set the captive free, and that was accomplished

 * While victory was sure, there was a LOT of work involved and he was going to be exhausted. Many times this week I have questioned and have been questioned if doing all of this to pursue debt free adoption is really what I should do. Should I be sacrificing my energy, and feel awful physically all for this "calling" of adoption.

 Today I needed to read that simple phrase "Exhausted, yet pursuing"  The encouragement that I have gleaned from that today is this, While I am exhausted from a weekend of the biggest garage sale of my life, while I want to cover my head and just let things happen as they may, while I could just say "whatever happens will happen". I could choose any of those things, but instead I am going to choose to be exhausted yet pursuing. Pursuing every avenue possible, continuing to sell things online, looking for ways to raise funds, getting up and driving AGAIN to next day air paperwork that isn't paid for yet, and can't be processed until it is. Out of every step, this one is the biggest faith step for me. Trusting that they make it there, that they will be able to be sent to China this week. My heart is heavy but resting in the promise that God called us to this and has ensured victory.

 Until our next post,
Exhausted, yet pursuing

Darrell and Michelle

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